As most people who have been through a divorce or separation will tell you, while a legal marriage may end at a specific moment in time, the relationship between divorcing spouses almost always deteriorates over a period of time. A relationship that was once warm, supportive, and mutually beneficial becomes cold, perfunctory, and frustrating.
Psychologists have coined the term “emotional divorce” to refer to the emotional separation that occurs independent of the legal dissolution of the marriage. An emotional divorce may be a sign that you’re headed for a legal divorce, so it’s important to understand what it is and what you can do.
Warning signs of emotional divorce
While every marriage and every separation is different, there are a few common signs of emotional divorce that may indicate your marriage is in serious trouble:
- Lack of communication: Couples who are emotionally divorced largely stop talking about their feelings, hopes, fears, and experiences of life. To the extent these couples communicate at all, their communication is usually very functional: finances, household tasks, the children (if any), and other basic necessities.
- Loss of intimacy: This isn’t just physical or sexual intimacy, but also emotional disconnection. Emotional divorces are characterized by loss of closeness, trust, and emotional availability. The spouses simply become indifferent to each other.
- Increased conflict: While some degree of conflict is normal and healthy in a marriage, extreme levels of conflict may signal that the marriage is emotionally over. Endless arguments with no resolution in sight can be a key warning sign of an emotional divorce. Emotional divorces are also characterized by unhealthy methods of dealing with conflict, such as sarcasm, defensiveness, or withdrawal.
- Insincerity, dishonesty, and cheating: Not all emotional divorces involve physical adultery, but the emotional breakdown of a marriage often results in one or both spouses going outside the marriage for needs that were previously met inside their relationship. More broadly, a breakdown of trust caused by dishonest or insincere behavior can do severe and permanent emotional damage to a marriage.
What to do if you think you’re in an emotional divorce
The breakdown of a marriage is always difficult, even if the marriage itself is not serving your needs. Coping with an emotional separation requires time and support. Consider going to therapy (either individually or as a couple, or both) to work through the emotional loss and manage your thoughts and feelings. It’s also a good idea to prioritize self-care: do the things you love, spend time with friends and family, and remind yourself that even if your marriage is over, your life is not.
Contact an attorney for guidance
It’s also a good idea to get legal advice. Talking to a divorce lawyer doesn’t mean you are inevitably headed for a legal divorce; it means getting answers from an experienced professional who understands how the process works and what your rights and options are. Give us a call or contact us online for a confidential consultation with a divorce and family law attorney at Klie Law Offices.